Just Keep Coming....

I love swimming. The fact that I can derive so much benefit from something that gives me so much pleasure is such a blessing. I decided to take my interest to the next level and improve on my strokes, endurance and basically get better at it. 

It wasn't long before I started getting frustrated with the fact that I couldn't get past my current status. I felt stuck. Is this all I'm ever going to be? I knew I could do better. I wanted more....Faster,  precise, and I sure didn't want to pant as much after each lap. 

In my quest for better, I asked the lifeguard "how come I'm not getting any better at this?" And his answer was simple " just keep coming". 

I knew he was right. The only struggle I now had to face, wasn't the struggle in water, but to do my best and make sure that I made it to the pool and I'll be just fine. One lesson I learnt is not to struggle 'with' the water, but struggle 'to' water. (I mean to make it to the pool).

Like swimming, I really want to know God more than I currently do. I want to know how to Praise him more, obey Him more, hear Him speak to me clearly, fear only Him. I want closer, I want deeper. I believe that if I can achieve this, prayer will be a delight...something to hunger for, worship will be quite an experience. And serving only Him won't be such a struggle. 

So I started again, and this time I won't struggle in His presence, but struggle to His presence. The first step is to make out time. I dragged myself out of bed by 4am today and I said this prayer....

PRAYER

My dear Father, I thank You for waking me up this morning. Thank You for telling me to come boldly before Your throne of grace. I realize that Your grace is sufficient to carry me through. Your hands are more than able and You are more than able to mould me. Your blood is more than powerful enough to wash me clean. Your strength is enough to energize me because You are Jehovah  El-Shadai the God that is more than enough.

Dear Lord, here I am. I made out time to seek You. Please help me make it back here 4am tomorrow. I will do my best and struggle if I have to because I realize, that's all I need to do. Then You'll do the rest. 

Dear Lord, You know I love You and more than anything in the world I want to know You. Please Lord, help me for in Jesus mighty name I pray. Amen. 

Discipline Me Lord.

I remember when I was much younger. Mom was the worst thing I could ever imagine. Never letting me have my way always yelling about one thing or the other. Always talking and talking.... Endlessly. So strict and tough. But I always loved her wanted her to love me back the way I wanted her to. Which will include a little yes to what I wanted. More tv, more outings etc. Little did I know that she saw ahead. Loved me in a different way. Loved my future didn't want me to "use the fleeting pleasures of now, destroy my tomorrow." Today I can stand tall. And it all makes more sense now what she was trying to do to me....for me. All she was doing was  trying to mould me, shape me and even though it hurt soooo badly, it was good for me in the end. Now we get along nicely  I value her more and I see clearly now what she was trying to do. I will be eternally grateful to her for who I am today is a direct result of her sacrifice for me. 

PRAYER

Dear Lord. Please discipline me like mom did and even more. So I may come out pure. I realize I might not like it at all and I'm even almost scared to ask you to..... But I also realize its what I need. Discipline me Lord but not in your anger. For it is better for me to be at your mercy than at he mercy of anyone else. Teach me to obey, honor, trust and fear You. Teach my lips to praise and worship You. Mould me. Make me into what pleases You.  Please Lord don't relent when I cry for pain for it will be good for me in the end. Mom didn't give up on me please Lord don't give up on me because you are mightier and more powerful. Hear and answer my desperate cry Lord for in the end I know I will not be ashamed. Only You knows my future. Thank You Lord for You hear and answer prayers, for I pray in Jesus mighty name.  Amen.  

This one's for you Mom, thanks for making me stand tall on the happiest day of my life!!! God bless you and renew your youth like that of the eagle! Thank You Lord all glory be to Your Holy name! 

Psalm 27

Psalm 27

Of David

New International Version (NIV)

¹ The Lord is my light and my salvation—
    whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
    of whom shall I be afraid?

² When the wicked advance against me
    to devour me,
it is my enemies and my foes
    who will stumble and fall.
³ Though an army besiege me,
    my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
    even then I will be confident.

⁴ One thing I ask from the Lord,
    this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
    all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
    and to seek him in his temple.
⁵ For in the day of trouble
    he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
    and set me high upon a rock.

⁶ Then my head will be exalted
    above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
    I will sing and make music to the Lord.

⁷ Hear my voice when I call, Lord;
    be merciful to me and answer me.
⁸ My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
    Your face, Lord, I will seek.
⁹ Do not hide your face from me,
    do not turn your servant away in anger;
    you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
    God my Savior.
¹⁰ Though my father and mother forsake me,
    the Lord will receive me.
¹¹ Teach me your way, Lord;
    lead me in a straight path
    because of my oppressors.
¹² Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
    for false witnesses rise up against me,
    spouting malicious accusations.

¹³ I remain confident of this:
    I will see the goodness of the Lord
    in the land of the living.
¹⁴ Wait for the Lord;
    be strong and take heart
    and wait for the Lord.

PRAYER

Dear Lord I pray this psalm of David today; truly my heart says to seek your face dear Lord please do not hide your face from me. Truly I do not deserve to stand in your awesome presence I stumble and fall again and again but Lord, who can help me? who do I have on earth but You? Who can I call on in heaven but You oh Lord. Whose grace and mercy is powerful even more powerful than my shortcomings? Whose arm is strong enough to deliver me? Dear Lord. The only thing I'm sure of Lord is that I'm lost without You.  Please do not pass me by. Help me! I want to see your face.  I want to hear your voice. I want to dwell in your house. Please Help me Lord. I know I cant make it on my own but Your word says "come to me" "call on me". Lord You are beautiful for all situations I come to You. Here I am.  You said blessed is he who hungers and thirsts for righteousness for he shall be filled. Here i am Lord hungry and thirsty. Here's my cup Lord. Fill my cup Lord. For I ask in Jesus Mighty Name. Amen. 

Little Prayers

Dear Lord, 

I want to be close to You but I'm aware of my limitations and my imperfections. My difficulties and short comings. 

But Lord I know your power is able to break through my difficulties because You are Almighty. 

Thank you Lord for You hear and answer prayers. In Jesus mighty name I pray. Amen. 

PRAYER

"Lord I don't know how to start but I know I have things  in my heart that I have to pour out please help me Lord. 

Lord I'm scared I just don't know why. Please I run to You. In you I hide myself."

I just muttered these out and thought to myself as I wondered why I don't pray often. I love God  no doubt but why is it so hard to spend time just conversing and praising and talking to the Lord in prayer. Why is it such a task. Talking to God in prayer should not be this difficult it should be something I long to do, or something I can't live without. A delight.  To be truthful, most times I feel like I'm just reciting or repeating and I'd rather not dishonor God  that way. I'll just keep shut. Other times I feel like I should be saying something smart, or praying in a particular manner for a certain duration and all these just take me further away.  Other times I feel bound and limited for lack of words. Like something trapped on the inside and will take only a special grace to let out....The burden of prayer. 

Then it hit me. This is where I'm going to start from. I'll let Him know my burdens. How much I need Him, His help, His grace. How I long and desire to have long conversations with Him but don't know. How I get so dried up with lack of words to express how I feel. How I get oh so distracted with so many worries that take me further and further away. How I need Him more of Him. 

I'm not going to even try to sound smart, or gratify myself that I know what I'm doing.... I'm going to do just this; open my mouth and start by saying anything and everything that burdens me. By letting Him know when I'm grateful, sad, or how much he means to me and how I don't want things He has given me to take all my attention away from Him. I will say four letter words like "I love you Lord" "I need You Lord".  Like learning to talk, I will start gradually. Little at a time.  I will look up from where I stand. I will plant the seed and I know I will grow. 

Trying to pray a certain way has left me dry, tired and prayer less. I will just open my mouth and and trust that Lord, you will fill it with words that give You all honor and Glory.

PRAYER

Dear Lord, I want to talk more with You. I want prayer to be a delight.  Something I long to do. I want to pray at all times. I want You to lift the burden of  prayerlessness  away from me. Please help me Father for I pray in Jesus mighty name. Amen. 

TRANSFORMATION.

Romans 12v2

2Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

True Transformation can only come when I renew my mind. And how can I renew my mind from what I am already used to? By reading my Bible day and night and doing what it says. Joshua 1v8 says, Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do.

My transformation can only come when I study the word so much so that it changes me, prior to now I studied the word to know more about God and my faith. From now, since I want to change and truly be transformed, I will study and meditate to truly change and be transformed.

I truly want to serve God because he made me, gave me this beautiful experience full of possibilities called life. It truly is a privilege and an honour to serve His Majesty.  

PRAYER

Dear Father thank you for the gift of life, for life in Christ Jesus and for your Word. I want to serve You in Spirit and in Truth. I want to esteem You higher than anything and everything You have given to me for I recognize that without You there is no me. It's because You gave me life that I am able to live. I don't want to get carried away with things you have given me neither do I want anything to take your place in my life. Please help me to truly change into what You want me to be. Grant unto me Dear Lord the grace that makes serving You, easy and a delight. As I read Your word let it change me. Please help me Lord, for I pray in Jesus Mighty name. 

"Not by power nor by might"

Zechariah 4v6
⁶ So he said to me, “This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel: ‘Not by might nor by power,but by my Spirit,’ says the Lord Almighty.

It is by the Spirit of God that we can truly serve Him. John 4v 23-24 says ²³ Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. ²⁴ God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.”

I want to serve God the right way but I discovered that just wanting to and also going all out in my strength and understanding left me frustrated, exhausted and almost uninterested. At this point I knew something was wrong. The only thing that kept me from quitting altogether was how lost I felt, how naked I felt how vulnerable and scared I felt. Still hungry and thirsty. A gap, a space, a vacuum that only God could fill. I thank God for that. I can only serve God by His Spirit.

Now how can I truly be filled and remain filled truly by Holy Spirit? I have been here many times. I don't want to come and go I want to dwell here daily in His presence. Not pretense, not acting, but a TRANSFORMATION. 


PRAYER
Dear Lord, please show me how to die to my flesh and live by your Spirit. Show me life in Christ that I might die to life in Adam. Help me to serve you in Spirit and in Truth. For I ask in Jesus Mighty Name I pray Amen.