Dear Lord

I'm going through a lot right now. I don't feel I'm doing things right. I struggle in my mind and the feeling if inworthines is heavy on me. 

But in all this I know that you still love me, you still know me and even if I have loosened my grip on You, you will never loosen your grip on me. 

I'm down now but I ask myself, will God choose the moment when I am most needy and most vulnerable to leave me!! Is God's love for me conditional? Will He abandon me because I am sick!!! I know the answer!!! It is NO!!!!

All things are working out for my good!!!

You promised in your word when you said "Never! Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you!" Isiah 49v15. 

Lord I need Your help!! Come into my heart, my mind my life and take control! Of my feelings, my emotion, my dreams and my struggles. 

I don't want to loose You!!!

Be Careful For Nothing...

Once I begin to worry about things I tell myself I'm going against the will of God. It takes a level of consciousness not to worry. 

Jesus said don't worry, come, talk to me! The Way, The Truth and The life, The I Am that I Am, The ever present, loving, able, powerful, beautiful for all situations, helper, compassionate, friend and brother!! The one that is sooo much more than enough!!!!!

(Exhaling deeply) since this is my diary I'll open up a little!!!! Without giving much excuses I drifted away from the word of God and found myself in all kinds of things, from worry to confusion, frustration and fear, jealousy and bitterness, self loathing and pity,!!! Till I finally hit rock bottom. I found mysel taking God for granted!! By not putting him first being lazy and complacent and the list goes on!! Then fear to actually approach His throne came in!! How can I approach God when I always fall short. When I know I'm not worthy. When I know I fail Him. Why should I be up today down tomorrow. When I should be up and up only! 

The Devil really got a hold of me!! My mind! But I had to encourage myself. Jesus, knowing how weak I was and still am died for me, I didn't die I still am alive and that means He spared my life giving me another chance. Plus He promised He will never leave me or forsake me. 

It's as though starting the journey all over again but, I have new reasons to wait on Him. In one single sentence I'll summarize ; "Outside HIM there is NO life". 

PRAYER

Dear Lord, thank you for giving me another chance.  I need your help, I need your direction oh everlasting way maker,  I need your peace oh Prince of Peace, I need you oh Bread from heaven. 

Please come into my life and calm every storm in my mind, in my heart!! Please Grant me peace and lead me. Help me in all I do for I can't do it all on my own!! 

Thank you Lord because you hear me when I call. I give you all the Glory for in Jeaus mighty name I pray!!!!!! Amen!

I Need A Change...

It's been two months and some days into the year (2014) and boy! has it been eventful. So many lessons learnt, a very emotional start, challenges and victories but so far The Lord has been faithful. I thank Him for his unfailing love towards me. 

I won't say I havnt been struggling lately with keeping daily appointments with my Father I truly have been lacking the very much required consistency and discipline. My dearest sister challenges me in this area even as I admire her strong dedication, consistency and discipline and I do see the Glory of God in her life. 

I need a change...I realize I have really gone far an I want to come back. I know it will require a lot of discipline and dedication but I realize I have to start somewhere and I have to start now. 

PRAYER

Dear Lord, please help me find my way back to You. I long to commune with you more than I currently am. Please help me because I am failing and I need Your help, Your grace. I don't want to continue without you please help me for I pray in Jesus mighty name. Amen. 

Change Me,

Dear Lord, 

Please change me, I use my mouth poorly please help me use it wisely, I never thought I could get jealous I realize I do sometimes please help me, I don't do the things that matter the most to me most  times  please discipline me, I waste time on what's not important please come to my rescue. My mind is filled with flashes of thoughts I fight all day please Lord fight for me. Even though you are always there for me, truth is I'm not always there please Lord change me. When I focus on you, that's when I begin to live. Please Lord redirect me. 

I'm here not to ask for money, or anything but just to say please Lord, Make Me Into What You Want Me To Be!!!